pining vs. pinning

now that the kids are in school all day, i have found a few days (ok this is the first one) (and it will probably be 15 min... not all day) that R is watching a cartoon & little baby J is swaddled in his cradle dreaming away peacefully.

so what do i do?

surf the internet.

blogs have changed a little. now there are so many giveaways that i want to win, i end up going to all the websites and putting things in my shopping cart. wanting to push that purchase button but knowing it's not the right thing to do.

so i move on to pinterest, knowing that i can't buy anything. and i start pinning things. and more things and more things. but that gets my heart pumping and then i get overwhelmed. i'm not going to do any of those projects. and then i just wish i could buy them all.

i can't do that either.

then i think... who's houses look like that anyway? with all of those projects finished.. beautifully completed. well, mine won't ever. and it gets me down.

it's weird how such cute inspiring stories and projects can sometimes have the opposite effect.

sometimes i feel worse.

and then i want to rebel.

so i think i want to eat something chocolatey and delicious. that'll make me feel better.

then i think i'll never loose this baby weight if i do that.

then i get mad.

then i move to instagram and look at people who had a baby at the same time as me and are posting selfies of their beautiful, skinny after baby bod.

then i get down about my body.

it's a downward spiral.

and it's stupid.

i have 4 beautiful perfect daughters that are soaking in everything i say. i have to be so careful of what i say and what i do.

i don't want them to remember their mom scrolling thru the internet... wishing she had a skinnier body, or a more decorated house, or holier kids.

and i certainly don't want them to think that they are not pretty enough or not skinny enough or don't have enough things.

i want them to be grateful for what they have.

i want them to know that they were created to be just how they are. to know that they are beautiful, not because of what they look like but because of who they are.

and i need to believe that for myself too.

which i do. and am thankful everyday for what i have.

i just need to stay away from the internet eye candy sometimes.

so....

i am going to just enjoy this newborn stage with my baby and not worry about my jelly belly. i am going to soak in every minute... because it is so precious and so fleeting. he is so big already!

i am going to turn off the tv and take my 3 yr. old outside to repaint an old table and chairs set.

craft time for him, project time for me. kill two birds with one stone.

and we are going to make the most of the day!

at least until the baby starts crying, and before R spills the paint and then wants to go inside with paint all over him, until they both want to be fed at the same time... not tandem nursing... but making lunch for R and nurse J... not that there's anything wrong with tandem nursing... i was just being clear...